Perspective is Everything

You probably have heard people say ‘perspective is everything’.

With chronic illness this message becomes even more pertinent. However, depending on where you are in your journey with illness, or just how you feel that day tbh, you may scoff at the sentiment.

I know I have said ‘fuck your perspective, this shit sucks’ more times than I can count. And that is valid of course.

However, when I have capacity to really explore the statement ‘perspective is everything’ I see what it really means…

Your perspective influences the story you tell yourself - it’s the lens that you use to view the world. That lens is based on past experiences, emotions, thoughts and so much more. Your perspective can foster growth and happiness or keep you stuck and fearful.

Your perspective truly is everything.

Something new like a purchasing a new car can be really exciting and fun. So you may think new = fun. But, it’s not black and white like that, very few things are. Conversely, something new like starting a new medicine can be terrifying because of the unknown. Both things are new, but the emotions and experience of each greatly differ.

How can the similar experience of something new, be so different from each other?

Well, it’s a matter of perspective.

Or you may hear people (me included) say they are grateful for their illness because of the lessons it has taught them. But maybe you are freshly diagnosed and hating every doctor visit and despising this new reality. Your perspective undoubtably will be drastically different, and I can guarantee it isn’t one of gratitude, but it will shape your experience nonetheless.

How can two people experience the same thing and have different views?

It’s a matter of perspective.

Our perspective has the ability to shape our world and define our reality. Perspective is influenced by many things, including our past experiences, our reality, family, friends, age, culture, race, gender, societal expectations, education, health experiences, beliefs, your current state of mind and SO much more. It is some seriously powerful shit that can be used as a tool to positively or negatively affect your life.

The good news is that perspective can be shifted.

But how?

ZOOM OUT

Ya know, get out of the current whirlwind and sticky emotions and pause, zoom out and reflect.

Observe your experience mindfully, from a bird’s eye view and explore how you are thinking and what you are feeling without judgments, comparisons, critiques and all-or-nothing or black and white thinking.

In the example about trying a new medicine, you may notice you are feeling scared or angry or sad. Once you observe that, you can reflect on why you feel that way. Perhaps you are scared because of the unknown. You can then validate your feelings and reframe them in a way that is neutral and focuses on what you can control.

This looks like reminding yourself that it is normal to be scared when things are new. You can remind yourself why you picked this medicine, the benefits of it, that you can do hard things, and that you have a support in your healthcare team to navigate this transition.

And sometimes, it is about just letting things be - even the uncomfortable things. Scratch that, ESPECIALLY the uncomfortable things.

It’s not normal to absolutely love every single thing that happens in your life. Sometimes you have to get comfortable being uncomfortable, trusting that with time and experience, the new and scary will become familiar and less scary.

Now, I am not saying that it’s fun, or that’s how things ‘should’ be, but unfortunately I don’t have the power to make all chronic illnesses disappear. All I can do is give insight into how to live with them - key word being ‘with’. The more you fight your illness, fight how you feel, or fight reality, the harder things will be.

Accepting your reality and focusing on what you can do in the moment not only restores your power and agency in the situation, it helps shift your perspective - and it adds a little hope into it too.

CHALLENGE YOUR VIEWPOINT

Another option is to actively challenge your current viewpoint . What if instead of focusing solely on the unknown or the possible side effects you consider the alternate perspectives? What if the medicine works? What if there are minimal side effects?

As humans we are conditioned to see negatives and focus on unknowns, but just because something is new and/or unknown doesn’t mean it will inherently be bad.

Yes, something new and unknown can be scary, it could also be the beginning of the rest of your life. Maybe the medicine controls relapses and you get back to living how you want to, maybe it gives you more freedom, maybe there are side effects but they are manageable. Those are very possible outcomes too. What about focusing on those?

Doom and gloom isn’t the only perspective after all.

REAL LIFE EXAMPLE

Recently, when I was starting a new medicine I had SO many emotions - I could feel my mind becoming more chaotic and my body tensing up. This is my sign to zoom out and reflect.

I asked myself how I felt about it - I was scared. I was sad. I was overwhelmed and confused. Here I am 19 years into having MS and feeling like how I did when I was diagnosed. I felt defeated…like I was back to square one.

The first step is becoming aware that those emotions even exist. Then, the next step is validating those emotions. I did this by telling myself ‘I believe you. This is a lot to hold and what I am experiencing is valid. It is not comfortable, but I accept that it is my current reality’.

Bringing these emotions into my awareness and acknowledging them is powerful - it takes your body down a notch b/c you don’t have to fight to prove that you are feeling this way.

Without the fight, I was able to continue exploring the thoughts that came up. I had worries that this medicine wouldn’t work, that I would have a relapse, that I would lose more function. But, again, I reflected on those thoughts without judgment. I realized that I was devoting precious time and energy to things that haven’t even happened yet.

I reminded myself that worrying does not change the outcome, and I let those thoughts go. I have too little time and energy to devote it to things I can not change. Plus, there are so many things I can focus on that WILL shift my future for the better and make my present moment more enjoyable. I can focus on reframing my thoughts, accepting what I can’t change, hydrating myself, managing stress, eating nutrient rich food, prioritizing sleep and incorporating movement into my day. All those things help me feel better and set future me up for success.

By becoming aware of my emotions, acknowledging and accepting them (and how uncomfortable they are), I can shift into action. I like to call it acceptance in action.

I ask myself what do I need in this moment? And to be honest, it depends.

Sometimes, I need a coping strategy because shit like this is hard and uncomfortable, and there is no shame in whipping out a coping strategy to soften the discomfort.*

*obviously it needs to be something that isn’t going to hurt you or others

Other times, I need to get into physical action, moving my body to flush out the activating emotions of overwhelm and fear, or doing something that restores my sense of agency and reminds me that this is a passing moment of discomfort. Even something as simple as mindfully setting up lunch for myself and focusing on how I am intentionally choosing myself and my health even though I am uncomfortable, is some powerful shit.

It just takes one step in the other direction, one small change to shift your trajectory.

Remember, emotions are like waves, they will ebb and flow, reaching a crest and then retreat. Of course they may come back, but you now have that history to fall back on and harness confidence from - you’ve been through discomfort before, you’ve been through challenges plenty, and you have survived. This time is no different.

That perspective shift, one from fear and helplessness to one of power and confidence, channels the uncomfortable energy into something that can help you learn and grow, instead of permanently knocking you down.

At the end of the day, shifting your perspective is not easy, it may require lots of zooming out, lots of reflecting, lots of acceptance in action and challenging your current viewpoint. And while that isn’t ideal, focusing on how it’s not ideal just distracts you and sends you further down into a black hole. It’s accepting that it’s not ideal and then saying ‘what am i going to do about it?’ that shifts that energy into forward momentum.

What perspectives do you find yourself holding on to? Are they helping you or hurting?

We’re all in this together - share ‘em below 👇🏼