Managing Stress (no, really, it’s possible)
In my experience, MS (or any chronic illness) seems to slowly chip away at your capacity to handle life. Having to monitor how you feel, take your meds, navigate the healthcare system, and complete endless admin among other things is hard enough in itself. Add the stressors of being an adult in 2026 and your capacity to handle any thing may be at an all time low. You may feel like how I did in 2025 - everything was daunting and I had capacity for nothing…
Brushing my teeth and getting ready? I would rather die.
Getting food for myself? UGHHH do I have to do this for the rest of my life?
Another errand? *insert massive eye roll and the longest sigh ever*
Today is a big shower day? Nooooooo
Need to care for others (aka the kittens)? Didn’t I just do this, why don’t kittens have thumbs so they can open the food bag themselves?
It didn’t matter what it was, I didn’t have capacity to do it. Things that wouldn’t normally stress me out, like feeding the goofball kittens, were overwhelming. Then throw in something unexpected, like a snafu or inconvenience and I would crash out. I would hyper fixate on the stressor, continuing to work myself up, instead of using the tools I had to regulate and return to equilibrium after stress.
I had way less tolerance to deal with life and its stressors. Patience, compassion, care and most importantly my capacity was at an all time low.
During this time life piled up. Before I knew it, my to-do list was out of control, my environment was chaotic and it was too daunting to get back on track. Especially while on the rollercoaster ride of chronic illness life - some days I would feel ok, but other days I felt like shit. On those days last thing I wanted to do was sort through my overwhelming life.
However, eventually I got to the point where I knew something needed to change. I took a step back and focused on what I could control - which includes reframing my thoughts and building my capacity for stress.
Let’s get into both those things…
Reframing Thoughts
I started with observing my thoughts, I noticed I was stopping myself before I even had a chance to actually assess how I felt about said task. I would think of something I had to do and before the thought even finished, I would catch myself saying ‘no, I can’t do that’ or bitching about it in some other way.
If you know me you know I love a good bitch fest, but life is about balance and I was too heavy on the bitching. So, I needed to be honest and hold myself accountable. Because when I shut myself down before I even got started on a task, I was telling my brain and body that I couldn’t do it. Worse, my brain and body were believing it. When I actually did the task, it would feel unbearable - like it was sucking the very last of my energy. Once I finished the task I would be so worn out and so over it that I would collapse in exasperation.
This happened countless times per day and like anything that happens consistently, it began to add up in a big way. Living became much harder - I had to really pep myself up to do basic care and chores. When I wasn’t barely surviving, I became one with the couch - so tired and heavy with no will to move, while my mind raced of all the things I couldn’t (or was choosing not to) do. It was like being trapped in a prison of my own making.
While I can’t always control basic tasks/chores I need to do, nor can I control the surprise stressors, I can shift my outlook. To be clear this isn’t about looking at life through rose colored glasses or drowning yourself in toxic positivity. It’s about being mindful of what you think and how you talk to yourself so you don’t add salt onto the wound. Like, it’s already hard enough for me to brush my teeth and get ready right now, it does absolutely no good to complain about it too. Instead, I can use my thoughts as an aid, helping me get through tasks I don’t want to do.
Reframing thoughts to serve you better is key.
If being my own personal cheerleader pepping myself up to get ready is too hard to do, I can at least approach the tasks as neutral. For example, I can say ‘ok, go pick out a top and bottoms’ instead of ‘ughhhh another day, wtf am I going to wear, I hate this’. See how the first one feels softer and more encouraging than the other?
Another thing I noticed with my thoughts was that MS symptoms turned into the catch all excuse for why I couldn’t do something. And yes, of course, there are plenty of times when symptoms are high and life needs to be adjusted. But also yes, there are times when I can think the symptom to be much larger and impactful than it actually is.
It’s up to me to hold myself accountable and discern the difference between the two. That requires radical honesty with yourself and to call yourself out on your bs. It also requires you to sometimes do things you don’t want to do, which is lame 🙃, but this is life and sometimes things just need to get done, even if they aren’t pleasurable all the time.
Ok, so the first piece of my mind overhaul - reflecting on and reframing my thoughts - was set into action. Next up was building up my ability to handle the bullshit without having a full on breakdown. 🙌🏼
Rebuilding Capacity
Earlier, I talked about how my normal to-dos were overwhelming and also how surprise stressors would result in me staying anxious and on edge for an extended period, which would suck all my mental and physical energy. Both of these things are signs that my capacity or tolerance for life’s natural ups and downs is non-existent.
Now, of course once I realized this, I was sad that this was my current reality. I was angry I let it get to this point. I was grieving the loss of who I used to be. I was thrown into many emotions, all of which seemed to have a death grip on me. I knew where ruminating on this would get me into an even darker deep hole. I didn’t want that for even a minute longer so I took a big, bird’s eye view of stress and my behaviors.
Stress tends to speed everything up - your thoughts race, your vision narrows, you actively look for ‘threats’ and are restless - everything feels urgent. You may feel uncertain and fearful too. I know I did. This makes sense because you are literally in survival mode - your body and mind is only concerned with surviving this moment in time. Threats become magnified and your senses are activated so you are taking in a lot of extra sensory information.
That part about extra sensory information, was the thing that would push me over the edge. See, I experience cognitive issues from MS. So multitasking is becoming increasingly harder to do - being flooded with too much information causes my brain to feel like it is short circuiting and smoke is coming out of my ears. I literally shut down.
Being really stressed, in survival mode, and inundated with sensory information and perceived threats was/is way too taxing on my system.
The antidote to stress is to slow down, like really slooooooowwww down. Not in a melt into the couch and dissociate for hours way though, more in an intentional and mindful way. The goal is to send signals to your body that it is safe which results your mind receiving signals from your body that it’s ok. Then, you shift out of survival mode.
The quickest way to do this is by hacking into your sensory system - use your sense of smell, touch, sight, hearing and taste to remind your mind that while life is stressful, you are safe and just experiencing discomfort. This could mean doing a breathing technique designed to provide serenity, smelling a relaxing scent, touching something soft, widening your view (aka stop looking at a screen), listening to calming music, or drinking some chamomile tea.
Note: obviously this is different if you are in a situation where your safety is actually threatened. If that is the case, please reach out to loved ones or professionals for help.
All that said, if you are like me, you may be thinking, the world is burning, I’m losing my mind, how am I supposed to slow down?
Well, first it’s not all or nothing or black and white. It’s not realistic to always be in slow mode, just like how it’s not realistic to always be in fast, stressed out mode. It’s about finding a few little moments throughout the day to slow down. Or try slowing down in one specific way (like reducing social media time or taking a few moments to breathe and wake up before getting out of bed) and see how that feels.
Here are some examples of what I am doing:
No phone or TV in the morning - I used to have it on as background, but I realized it was too jarring and made it hard to slowly wake up. Now I sit and watch the birds with the mitten kittens, Wes and Hazel, and eat my breakfast. By limiting screen time, I can tell a positive difference in my cognitive capacity throughout the day too. Which, totally makes sense to me, if you give your body and mind time to slowly wake up and establish comfort and peace without a screen in front of you sucking your half sleepy attention, its going to give you more capacity throughout your day.
Creative/Play time - I realized I do a lot of couch rotting to be frank, and while I love me a good couch rot time, I need to keep myself in check. Otherwise, my brain and body turn into mush. Sooooo I have started having a low stakes creative activity to do while on the couch to get my brain involved. It’s like an adult play time where I can just do something fun. It’s way better than endlessly scrolling on social media or binge watching tv excessively. My creative activity is coloring, but doing puzzles or another hobby works too! Some days I even color in a sun spot like a cat haha. It’s the best tbh - it’s a great low stakes activity that is creative and playful, which sends signals to my body to relax in a way that is restorative.
Nighttime Routine - I had a nighttime routine before, but recently I added a small self care step to ensure I do at least one thing that will help me wind down before bed. It’s a little ritual just for me - what I decide to do that night depends on my mood. Some nights I read, other nights I add a lavender shower bomb to my shower, or I will spend time playing with the kittens or do a little face and neck massage with facial oil. It’s just enough to signal to my body it’s time to wind down. Plus, it’s a nice way to give myself some positive attention at the end of each day.
Movement snacks - I’ve been sitting more lately, which as a fidgety person, is really hard. To expel some energy, I do static or dynamic stretches, bodyweight exercises, yoga poses as movement snacks throughout the day. Not only does this help me feel less stiff and tight throughout the day, it quiets my mind and gets my blood flowing too (bye fatigue).
Breathing Techniques - This I whip out when I am really stressing and need to calm down. I have tried lots of different breathing patterns and this is my favorite. Inhale into your belly, then pause for 1 second, then inhale into your chest, then pause for 1 second. Then exhale it ALL out. Repeat a few times. I also LOVE a good deep sigh - ah, so gratifying!
Mindfully eating meals - Ok, I am not going to lie and act like I enjoy mindfully eating my meal instead of eating in front of a screen or doing some other task. But as I said above, multitasking has become quite fucking difficult (thanks stress and ms) so we’re improvising over here. This includes mindfully eating meals, and let me tell you, it’s actually really nice. I feel more satisfied after eating and less stressed because I am not trying to eat and do something else.
Get social - Face timing a friend, or meeting them in person can be a great way to not only connect with someone meaningful to you, but also regulate and destress together. As a natural introvert, this one is challenging for me. But again, it’s not all or nothing. Maybe I don’t connect with a friend, but I chat up strangers that I run into during the day, like at the grocery store or my co-working space. Just getting that touch of personal connection is what matters.
Personally, I picked these things because they are small and accessible changes I can do right now. While doing them, I really noticed how it felt and celebrated myself when I did show up for myself. If I missed doing a new habit one day, I’m kind to myself. I don’t beat myself up, I just start back the next day.
As I incorporate more of these things into my regular routine, they will become habits and slowly build my capacity and enrich my life. It’s been a few months and I have noticed that I have more bandwidth when something frustrating or unplanned happens aka I don’t crash out immediately, which is a welcome change! Also, I have had more energy, stamina and endurance throughout the day which is a sign that my capacity is rebuilding.
And look, I’m no stranger to living with chronic illness, I get this stuff is not easy. The good news is that you still have a choice. Life is going to be hard regardless so choose your hard.
Personally, I am choosing to focus on what I can control and create a full life even with abundant stressors and the bestie I never asked for in tow (aka MS).
What about you? How have you been feeling from a stress standpoint lately? And what do you do to destress and recharge your battery?
