Redefining your Core Values
It’s no secret that chronic illness affects many aspects of our lives - identity, relationships, physical wellbeing, mental health, employment, finances, community and so on.
Because of this, receiving a diagnosis or going through health challenges can shift your identity and what you thought life would be like, which is very destabilizing, not to mention scary!
No one is calling it a fun experience, but it is normal and you are not alone.
One thing that I have found to be very helpful in providing stability after diagnosis is redefining your core values.
Why?
Because remembering what you value and who you are at your core is crucial in rebuilding your foundation. Sure, you may have a new diagnosis or health challenge on your plate, but that doesn’t change who you are at your core. Plus, knowing your values gives you a guiding light in how you want to live in this next chapter of your life. Think of them like an anchor, holding you down (in a good way) during the storms of life. Or, like a compass, guiding your behavior, decisions, and actions especially during complex situations like living with chronic illness.
Let’s dive deeper…
First, a list of core values -
In looking at the list, do you see any words that are important for you and your life? What jumps out at you?
They could be ways you describe yourself, or things that you stand for or things that light you up.
Pick 3-5 words from the list. It can be helpful to write out why that value is important to you.
Here are mine as an example:
Authenticity, balance, compassion, resilience and love
Authenticity - something I stand for and strive to be at all times. To me, it has to do with being real and honest with yourself and others because being disingenuous or living in denial never helps. It also serves as a reminder to be authentic with myself (and to trust what I feel, even if I don’t like it)!
Balance - meaning, I value and prioritize balance in all areas of my life - physical, emotional, mental, social, spiritual, etc. I know what a privilege it is to have your health and I work every day to maintain balance as best I can without overriding my needs and what my body is telling me.
Compassion - this was a new addition to my core values a few years ago after realizing that I need and want to be more compassionate with myself. I am great with others, but at the time it was harder to extend that kindness to myself. Having compassion as a core value provides direction on how to respond to a situation (or my own thought spirals!) in a way that illicits love and curiosity.
Resilience - this word can get a bad rap, especially when you feel forced to be resilient, but to me resilience isn’t about blindly pushing through, it’s about showing up for yourself the best you can in that moment. That may mean instead of pushing through, I am resting so I can be resilient in the future. Regardless, I will show up for myself and prioritize my well being. And, let’s be honest, after living with MS for 20 years, I am resilient to the core. If you are living with a chronic illness, you are resilient too, every day.
Love - what is there without love tbh? I tend to go negative pretty quick, and that really doesn’t serve me. Being aware of that and consciously choosing love as a core value serves as a reminder for me to be empathetic, listen with curiosity and always lead with love and care.
Ok, so you have your values AND you know why they are important to you. Now you can use those as your compass when challenging situations arise. The best part is the more you live in alignment with your values, the better it feels.
For example, say I am having a hard time with some challenging health news. On top of that, navigating the healthcare system with busy doctors and incomplete care made it worse. Sure, I could go into a negative thought spiral, rot on the couch and scroll social media wishing my life was different while I become more angry and sad each passing moment.
Or, I could pull from my values and allow them to guide my actions and thoughts. I can remember how authenticity is important, and how to me that means being real with myself and validating the uncomfortable emotions. I can tell myself it makes sense I am angry and sad. I can validate myself while I feel those emotions without letting them take over. I can also lean on the core value of balance and recognize that my physical and mental health is out of balance. Then, I can make decisions that help support me during this time, not add more salt onto the wound. That bleeds into my values of compassion and love. I can offer those things to myself and care for myself during this bump in the road. Lastly, I can draw on the core value of resilience by recognizing that I am resilient evidenced by every fucking challenge I have made it through thus far. I can use that to empower myself and put me in a healthier headspace (compared to going through countless negative rumination spirals).
That’s just one example, but core values can be used as your compass in how you show up in relationships, what career you do, how you parent, in your family, or countless other ways.
Having that true north can make a world of difference during times of uncertainty, like when living with illness and I hope you find it helpful!
